Everyone else wakes up from their beds every day and they go to their sinks and wash their faces and brush their teeth and that’s how everyone else starts their day but I have to first open my eyes and find myself buried in my grave and I have to find a way to move my hands in the small space that I am so scared of suffocating in because I have been claustrophobic my whole life and I have to use my nails that are never sharp enough when I need them to be sharp and too sharp when I need them to be pretty and polished and all that and I have to use my nails to start digging myself out of my grave and it takes a long time because apparently they bury you 6 feet under and that is so upsetting because I am not even 6 feet tall and so it feels like some kind of insult upon injury that I am buried deeper in the earth than I have ever been taller and so I use that anger and frustration from a lifetime of never having been as tall as I would have liked to be to claw my way out of my own grave every single day and it takes a long time and it takes forever and it actually takes about 90 minutes now that I have gotten better at it though sometimes on some days it can go up to 3 hours and I don’t know if you’ve ever had to dig yourself out of anything before but I can tell you it’s not pretty and there’s just a lot of dirt involved and by the time I am out it can take some time to get presentable so that everyone thinks that I am like them and that I did not have to dig myself out of my grave that morning because it makes people uncomfortable to know things like that and so, anyway, what I am saying is that I have an early start every day and I never get to go out or meet anyone in the evenings and hardly ever get to see any sunsets because I have to be in bed by 8 pm to wake up at 4 am to start the process early enough and so that is why I cannot accept your invitation out to dinner and I hope you understand but I think you won’t because I take one look at you and see that you are one of those people who wake up on a soft bed and sink your feet into a plush carpet and you go to your sparkling sink and you wash your face with something that smells really comforting but also refreshing – maybe a combination of mint and lavender or something, or yuzu, yes, yuzu, everyone likes yuzu – and you look in the mirror and smile at yourself or something.