THINGS I SHOULD HAVE TOLD MY SONS

1.

You can lead a horse to water

but if he is agoraphobic

you will be walking home

2.

You can run

but doing so on ice

will lead to useless bruising

and broken bones

3.

a bird in the hand

will not be terribly happy

and could shit

all over your new shoes

4.

All good things come

and most go,

but bad things linger

if you allow it

5.

In for a penny

and no one will

play poker with you.

6.

Don't cross your bridges

you could fall in the water

and drown.

7.

Half a loaf

will always feed

two fewer people than

you have at the table

8.

The pen is mightier

than the pencil, if it

uses permanent ink.