Are you willing to give all in search of the true love that burns and sets your soul on fire?

It is the only thing that gives any meaning to our lives.

How well I remember that summer season of parties, galas, masquerades and Balls. Life was an unending , dizzying carousel of delights, experiments and exploration. Each new day was always brighter than the last. As we flung ourselves, pell mell into the pursuit of pleasure and the primrose path. For we were the sky that everything revolved around.

Yes I remember those times well.

We would seek excitement of all our senses in merry revelry.

It was decided in the crowd I ran with that to add frisson and each party should have a colour theme. So that costumes, adornments and presents would all follow this colour which would 

The first party was to follow the theme of red. Everyone wore something red, gave red presents, played red music. We carried with us red flowers like Amaryllis, Mocossy and Dianthus. My best friend, Jaleppo, dressed as a red devil. Another friend, Rhiannon, dressed as the Red Queen.

I found it difficult to match their enthusiasm for such worship of hedonism. Years of partying had produced a state of numbness to it all. I affected a louche pose and said I was bored of it all. I sat beside Rhiannon. She told me how upsetting it was to see the flowers ripped out of the ground to have them adorn our parties. “We say we love flowers, yet our love kills the object of our affections. Those flowers taken from the soil and placed on the walls and tables will now decay and die.” she said.

But then something caught my attention.

 I saw enticing glimpses of a girl I’d never seen before and I was curious to know more about her. She is on the edges of the groups I am  watching. I can smell traces of her scent. She’s wearing fleur du mal perfume. It's exciting and invigorating, like the smell of sweet temptation. I feel so alive. I try to catch her eye. But all I can see is the back of this woman. I am intrigued and want to make her acquaintance. I nearly reached her. Then I am suddenly pulled into one of Jaleppo’s japes.

By the time I break away from it she is gone. She is nowhere to be seen. I spent the rest of the evening searching for this mysterious female with dark shoulder length hair.

 It should have been easy as from behind I could not see her wearing any item of red at the red party. I asked Jaleppo and Rhiannon if they had seen her. But they had not. Maybe it was only my eyes that could see this mystery woman.

My days were spent thinking about her.  My senses have been ignited by her image.There was something familiar about her yet I could not place the hair or her figure with anyone I had known these past few years.

I went along to the other parties in the hope that I would catch more than a glimpse of this elusive female. Smell her sensuous scent once more. Who could she be? When would I see her?

My friends began to notice that I wasn't quite the same since that party. I asked them if they’d seen her or knew her, but no one had any idea who this tantalising sight could be. I wondered if I was imagining her.

I did see her again.

She didn’t wear the costumes of my friends. Nor did she follow the fashion for displaying the colour theme. But she is always surrounded by a gathering. And has her back turned to me. I notice she carries something in her hands. I am consumed by a burning desire to know this mysterious woman and what it is she carries. She is at all times attended by the leathery fruity fragrances of fluer du mal. The aromas are getting stronger with each passing party.

The colours change as do the flowers. Orange where marigolds dominate , then yellow with daffodils. Later green hydrangea and blue delphinium. All have their moment in the limelight before they start to wilt and decay.  But my curiosity to meet this lady that I only catch glimpses of is constant. It has become an obsession. I can think of nothing else.

At subsequent parties I do my best to seek her out. But always it is just a glimpse here and there. A shoulder,  hips , legs, the hair flowing down her neck. Her perfume, her voice, her laughter. She always seems to just be leaving a room as I am entering. I can hear her saying goodbyes as I arrive. I step on my toes and try to catch a glimpse of her leaving but all I can see is the back of her head with flowing dark lustrous locks.

The final party is a masquerade. Evening dress wear for all. The ladies in ball gowns and evening dresses. The men in evening jackets. The final colour is purple. The place is thick with violets of all shades , viola odorata and Liatris spicata and their pungent fragrances. Would she be there? I only half listen to Jalappo. He is about to tell a joke. I hope it's not too rude.

I am suddenly aware of a  fragrance that had excited me before. Her aroma curled around my face.

 Then I saw her! She is facing away from me. She is dressed in a shimmering black ball gown. And she is on her own.  She turns to face me. She has a mask on. I can see her front clearly. She looks perfect.

She smiles.  The rest of the room has become still and quiet. Not a sound stirs from anyone's lips. Not a flicker. They are all like silent statues upon the floor in various dance and conversation poses. Jalappo is about to launch a punch line but even he is silent and still. I try to cry out but no sound comes out.

 She starts to cross the floor to walk over to where I am standing. She walks  assuredly with elegance and poise. This vision in black comes striding towards me, like advancing Nemesis. I can see now she is carrying a black rose. A rose that is not dyed. It is naturally black.  It is the deepest black I have ever set eyes upon. I think I'm staring into infinity. She lets  her mask fall. Now I can see her face fully.

I am shocked and aghast by what I see. I had not expected that. I am speechless and rigid.  Still smiling,she brushes the black rose across my chest. And the scent of fleurs du mal lingers.

 and my body froze, hands transfixed , like a cold cloud that overwhelmed me. I’m in a thick haze of purple. Like I’m seeing the world through twisted Purple eyes.

The room now slowly revolves so I can see all my friends dancing , singing , drinking and laughing. They are all moving and speaking once more. Too quickly for me to make sense of it all. Then the room revolves more quickly. So quickly that everyone becomes a blur. Then I  remember my head hitting the floor hard. The last thing was some laughter, her laughter, and the scent of fleur du mal. Then nothing.

I come round and I am lying in a luxurious bed. Surrounded by flowers. The flowers of mourning. 

There were white lilies , red carnations , purple hyacinth and forget me nots. I heard Rhiannon say they would place some chrysanthemums upon my grave. Someone else says that the leaves are starting to fall.  It's uncomfortable surrounded by the heady sickly smells of decadence and death. If I was still alive I’d want to be sick.

I could see Jalappo in attendance, for once being very serious. This must be quite a strain upon him. Rhiannon was in tears.

Suddenly I heard a laugh that I knew well.  I could smell the scent of fleurs du mal. She was here! But alas, not for me. Beauty and mystery were in the eye of the beholder and that was no longer me.

But I knew that someone else’s curiosity and interest had been aroused. My dance had ended. Someone else was about to begin that dance.

I knew now that that was to be my final summer of carefree pleasure. my carousel of delights had ended. The days of wine and roses for me were no more. I was looking at the sky from afar.

Yes I remember it well.

I was willing to risk it all in the search for the love that burns brightly and fires the soul.

I would do it again.

For finding true love is the only thing that gives our  empty lives meaning.