Two sisters stood before their King. They lived together in a small hovel of a run down shack deep in the King’s Royal Enchanted Forest. One was beautiful but dumb, the other the ugly but cunning. Both wanted the cute little baby girl that the King now held before them in his outstretched arms. The sisters had been fighting over the child for the last week now and finally the ugly but cunning one had gotten the beautiful but dumb one to agree to let the King decide who should get the child. The ugly but cunning one had a plan. 

The King thought that he could handle this matter for after all he deemed himself a wise and just ruler. Furthermore he knew from the Bible the story of King Solomon and how to split a baby in two. And since the exact same circumstances presented themselves here, he thought it like slicing a piece of cake. So he said unto the sisters, “Since you each claim the baby is yours and since I have no way of knowing who is telling the truth and who is not, I am left with no choice but to divide the child in half and give you each a half, for half a loaf is better than no loaf at all.” 

So with that said the King expected one of the sisters to immediately let out a shriek, speak up, and cry out, “Give the baby to my sister My Lord for she is the mother.” And so did the ugly but cunning sister. She too knew the story of KIng Solomon and was banking on it figuring that her sister, who couldn’t stand seeing a fly being harmed, would speak up and scream out “Let my sister have the child, My Lord.” That was her game plan anyway. 

So the ugly but cunning sister kept quiet. But the dumb but beautiful sister did not know the story of King Solomon and therefore did not know her lines in this little drama and was too dumb to say anything anyway. She just stood there with her mouth open, staring at the King, slack jawed, and said nothing. 

Now the King did not know what to do for he was not that King Solomon wise of a king. But he was wise enough to have people around him who were wiser than himself. Someone to make the tough decisions for him. Someone to put the blame on and fall on their sword if something went wrong. One of those someones was the King’s Royal Magician. So the King summoned him and asked him for his advice in this matter. The Royal Magician, always glad to put on a show for the KIng and thus justify his paycheck, assured the King that he indeed knew what to do here. That he would use his magical powers to resolve this matter and make his royal majesty come out smelling like a royal rose. The King upon hearing this let out a sigh of relief and commanded the Royal Magician to do his thing. 

So the Royal Magician took out his magical sorcerer’s wand and walked over to the child still held by the King. He was certainly an impressive looking magician that’s for sure with his long flowing purple floor length robe with silver stars, moons, and crescents stenciled all over it and likewise matching cone shaped pointy hat. He also had long flowing shoulder length white hair and a likewise full flowing white beard hiding the many wrinkles of age etched upon his face. With eyes closed he rocked back and forth on his purple pointy toed silk slippers and mumbled some incantations, a couple of which were abra cadabras, and some other moaning words, none of which were known to anyone there for that was the way they were supposed to be, magical words known only by those who possessed magic. Then he waved his magic wand over the child and gently touched the child’s forehead with it causing a puff of white smoke to poof up out of nowhere, a truly traditional trite magical trick indeed, the old standard smoke and mirrors trick. With that done, he announced, “Now Your Majesty hold the child before you by her feet with her face facing forward for all of us to see.” 

The King did so grasping the child by her ankles and dangling the child in front of him for all to see. 

“Now tear the child in two,” ordered the Royal Magician. 

The King thought that the Royal Magician was saying this in order to get one of the sisters to come forward and give up the child using the old King Solomon trick again. He certainly couldn’t be serious thought the King. But alas neither sister said a word again. 

They both said nothing for the same reasons as before and also because the child was not the child of either of them. They had not told the King this and therefore they reasoned that if he did indeed rip the child apart, though they both wanted the child, so what, they could live with that, no skin off their butts. They had found the baby on their doorstep one dark and dreary, but not stormy, night about a week ago. A not so gentle rap tap tapping scratching woke them from their deep sleep slumber that blackened night. The sisters thought that the wolf was at the door so they armed themselves accordingly with a pitchfork and ax and awaited their fate expecting the worst. But when they heard the wail of a baby, they immediately flung open the door, saw the child, saw that no one else was there, and assumed the baby had been abandoned to their care by a mother either too poor or too ashamed to take care of the child herself. 

Now neither sister had a child and as said both wanted this one. The ugly sister did not have a child because she knew no man would ever mate with someone as ugly as herself and thus she saw this as her one and only opportunity to have a child. And as to the beautiful but dumb sister she too wanted a child. It was common knowledge there in the Royal Enchanted Forest among the fairies, trolls, elves, dwarfs, and common folk alike that she was but a simpleton and that no man there would ever marry her for men always are smart enough to marry a woman smarter than themselves. They don’t marry someone just because they’re beautiful. Thus the dumb but beautiful sister never did get married and thus she too saw this as her one and only opportunity to have a child. 

So they brought the babe in and for the past week they lovingly cared for the child, cooing, cuddling, and caressing the child ad nauseam ad infinitum. But after a while they got to fighting over the child and that’s when the ugly but cunning sister got her sister to agree to let the King decide who should get the child. As said she was hoping to pull off the old King Solomon trick. But that plan was shot to hell now having backfired and blown up in her face twice. 

After a moment of loud silence the Royal Magician repeated, “Go ahead and tear the child in two, Your Majesty.” 

The King couldn’t believe his ears. He stood there dumbfounded, not knowing what to do or what to say. Finally he sputtered and spit out, “I ain’t tearing no kid two. You do it,” he said and handed the kid to the Royal Magician. “That’s a Royal Decree,” he commanded in capital letters as in capital offense. 

The Royal Magician took the child for he knew that even with all his magical powers they were not enough to save him from the King’s wrath if he didn’t obey a royal command. So he held the child before him by its feet the way the King had done, sucked in a deep breath, and mumbled to himself, “Here goes nothing.” He began to rip the baby apart but as he did so the child did not let out a sound, not a whimper, not even a peep. Nor did the child’s innards spill out. Nor did the child bleed for skin immediately grew over the torn and exposed parts making for two separate but equal babies. Seeing this the Royal Magician then gave one quick jerk, ripping the child in two. Then he handed the right half child to the beautiful but dumb sister and the left half to the ugly but cunning sister. Both halves had but one arm, one leg, one eye, one ear, one nose hole, and half a mouth. 

Then he said unto them, “Do not ever let the two halves touch for if you do, the child will turn into one child again and if that happens I can only divide the child into upper and lower halves thereafter for this magic of splitting the child down the middle is but a once in a lifetime thing. And always remember that there is a little bit of you in the child that I have handed you.”

Now the King spoke up to assert his authority and to remind the sisters that he was the one in charge here, not the Royal Magician. “And if that happens I will have to order that the child be divided into upper and lower halves, then one of you will end up with a child's rear end and have to go around kissing your child’s butt for the rest of your life and believe you me you do not want that to happen.” Here the King spoke from personal experience. 

“Now go forth and be not fruitful and multiply no more,” he commanded. 

Now neither sister wanted such an ugly hideous deformed creature and both tried to palm and or pawn off their child on to the KIng. But he didn’t want them either so he roared out in his most royal regal voice, “Take your child with you and leave or suffer the Royal Consequences.” 

Both sisters knew that if they did not do as ordered their necks would either be in a noose or on the chopping block. So they left holding their child before them with two fingers as if they were holding a dead rat by the tail. 

On their way home they were besides themselves not knowing what to do when they came upon a circus coming to town. 

“Here is our answer,” said the ugly but cunning sister. “Here is where we can get rid of these freakish little monsters. 

“Huh?” blurted out the beautiful but dumb sister having no idea what her sister was talking about. 

“The circus, a circus always has a freak show doesn’t it,” proclaimed the ugly but cunning sister. “We’ll sell our children to the circus for their freak show, be rid of these cursed things, and make ourselves a pretty penny in the process.” 

The ugly but cunning sister stepped forward and stopped the lead circus wagon and summoned the Ringmaster. 

“We wish to sell you our children,” announced the ugly but cunning sister to the Ringmaster. “They will make a fine attraction for your freakshow. See,” she said, holding up her child for the Ringmaster to see and elbowing her sister to do likewise. 

T he Ringmaster looked over the children as the sisters posed and dangled them before him. “Well they are different. I will say that for them,” commented the Ringmaster. “How much?” “Thirty pieces of silver,” responded the ugly but cunning sister. 

“Done,” said the Ringmaster, taking the thirty pieces from his purse and offering them to the ugly sister. 

“Apiece,” said the ugly but cunning sister not taking the money. 

“That wasn’t what we agreed upon,” countered the Ringmaster. For the next thirty minutes or so they haggled over price. Finally the ugly but cunning sister gave up and agreed to thirty pieces of silver for both sisters truly wanted to be rid of these creatures. Thus the children were sold into freak show slavery. But the ugly but cunning sister did not tell the Ringmaster never to let the two halves touch or they would become one again. She didn’t tell him that because she knew that this would happen eventually anyway and when it did, this would be her way of getting back at and sticking it to him for not agreeing to her price of thirty pieces of silver apiece. As to the dumb but beautiful sister it never crossed her mind to mention this to the Ringmaster. 

After the exchange of funds for babies the Ringmaster took one of the children back to the freak wagon and handed her to the 600 pound fat lady. Then he went and got the other one, came back, and handed her to the woman who had no arms. But she did have feet and she took the child in her feet. He then explained to them that these children were now part of the show and told them to love them and take care of them as if they were their own children. With that said, he went back to his wagon and started the caravan on its way. The two sisters were long gone of course. 

In the freak wagon there were three women, the fat lady, the lady with no arms, and the backwards cyclops lady. The backwards cyclops lady was normal in all respects except she had no eyes in the front of her head and only one in the back. Thus she always had to walk backwards to go forward to wherever she wanted to go and thus that’s why she was called the backwards cyclops lady. 

      Now the fat lady cuddled her baby to her bosom, almost smothering the poor child in her huge breasts. The armless lady cuddled her child with her bony feet against her bony chest. And the backwards cyclops lady, jealous of the other two, spoke up, “Hey you two, how about letting me hold them for a while.” She was facing them with her one eye. So the other two went around behind her, which was really in front of her, faced her eyeless face, and placed their child in the outstretched arms of the backwards cyclops lady. The backwards cyclops lady snuggled the two babies to her chest and as she did so they touched. And as the Royal Magician predicted what would happen, happened. They became one child. The fat lady and the armless lady let out a co-joined shriek when they saw the now one piece child. Where were the two cute freak babies they had come to so instantly love? Then the backwards cyclops lady did likewise as she realized by touch that she was now holding one baby, not two. Their shrieks were so loud and so alarming that the Ringmaster held his horses and stopped the wagon train. 

He got down, came running back, and entered the freak wagon. There he saw the backwards cyclops lady holding one baby, not the two freak babies he had paid for. He took the child from her and examined it. It was normal in all respects except for one thing. Its right profile was as beautiful as the beautiful sister and its left profile was as ugly as the ugly sister for as the Royal Magician had said a little bit of each of them was in the child that he had handed them. 

The Ringmaster held up the newly formed child for all to see and turned it from side to side so that they could see each profile. 

“Well I still got two for one so I guess we’ll keep the little freak,” announced the Ringmaster. The three freak ladies let out a sigh of relief. 

So the Ringmaster advertised her as ‘The Two Faced Woman’. And even though there were lots of two faced women in the world, and there always have been, this one nevertheless drew the large crowds. The three freak ladies named her Eve, even though she had only two faces, and she was deeply and dearly loved and cherished happily ever after by all three of them. But in a freakish sort of way of course.